March 25, 2023

As a commanding figure on the stage of world events, President Camacho (who also answers to the title “your royal highness”) carries himself with a sense of weary resignation about the task he has to face. Flanked by two security figures who wouldn’t look out of place on WWE, Camacho is eager to share his three-step plan for saving the U.S. of A. (or as he likes to pronounce it, “Use-a”).

“My three point plan is: Chill. The Fuck. Out.” Camacho says. “Chill. The Fuck. Out. That’s my three-point plan because that’s how I found out this shit got fucked up in the first-place.”

As newly arrived from the future, the former president is also cognizant that he needs to make the past much like the future, beginning by insisting that all presidential primaries consist of a cage match. After all, if you can’t survive the cage, how could you hope to survive the Oval Office? He also seems open to potentially traveling to other points in American history. When asked if there is one American president he’d like to enter the ring with, Camacho is unequivocal.

“I’d get in it with Nixon,” Camacho says. “That motherfucker, that Watergate shit…. they caught him on tape. I’m like, ‘Okay, you want to back that shit up? Bring it in the ring. Bring it in the cage, Nixon.’” When we point out that it could be dangerous since Nixon was known as “Tricky Dick,” Camacho appears unfazed.

Says Camacho, “When you bust somebody in their head, they can’t think of nothing else. There ain’t no tricks coming up! It’s like ‘Oh, where am I? What’s happening? Oh my God, I can’t see, I’m bleeding!’”

It’s a cogent point made by a presidential candidate who seems about as reasonable as anyone else currently entering or considering the Republican presidential primary. But perhaps you should decide for yourself. Above you can find our full conversation with President Camacho on a range of topics, including what books he likes to keep in his presidential library, and who he thinks of the vaunted Den of Geek studio. Also enjoy below a portrait of Camacho drinking his favorite beverage, Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator.

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